I have been thinking about my son’s phone call. He called me yesterday to ask what my plans were for Mother’s Day and if I would be coming to Santa Cruz. The fact that he remembered about Mother’s Day felt sweet and unexpected. I have been thinking how he grew up and how he loves me …and about mother-son relationship in general… then my thoughts moved to my brochure about “How to resolve conflicts with your kids.” Then My thoughts traveled to not so pleasant experiences (that had nothing to do with my kid or family) and I spent some time there, feeling unpleasant sensations in my belly and keep thinking the same stressful though that created the sensation on the first place.
An hour later I realized that I am still sitting in front of a blank piece of paper … traveling in my mind. The flowers on my desk are as beautiful as flowers can be, a cup of tea waiting to nurture me and my cat is purring on my lap.The reality in the moment ..the only reality there is.
Reality: what is. My incessant mind chatter, which typically leans toward hope or fear, has nothing to do with what is…now.
It is not like I have a goal to live without mind chatter, or future hope and fear. I am wondering however, if the miracle is in seeing the future fear, or hope, and coming back to naked reality.
I believe only here, in the moment I can meet life…and meet myself.
Facing and meeting reality,
Yelena
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